I have
reached my first milestone during service. I have survived the initial three
months in my site. Many will say that this period of service presents the most
difficulties. Unlike my training in
Nicaragua cushioned by the protection of language facilitators, training
families, and other volunteers in my group, I have spent the past three months
trying to navigate the Nicaraguan world relatively on my own. If you have read
my previous posts you are well aware that the biggest challenges have been
related to integration and relationship building. Pushing oneself to constantly
make conversation in a foreign language is both mentally and physically
exhausting. One can question people about their families, place of birth, and
favorite foods, until at some point they want to hide for a day under a
mosquito net. However, you have to keep having what seems to be mind numbing
conversations until at some point it starts to become routine and comfortable,
which then allows discussions to take a more insightful turn. After three
months I still have a long way to go before I can say I have truly made strong
connections with people, yet there are instances which suggest that I am making
some progress.
The signs
of success will catch one by surprise. Often times after work instead of
retreating to the solace of my new home (I recently moved into my own place), I
will ride my bike around town looking for people with whom to converse. Yes, I
have officially adopted ¨hunting for friends¨ as a new hobby of mine. This
might sound insane, but honestly what isn’t crazy about this experience? When
will one ever have a job that not only requires them to invent tangible work
from very little resources or direction, but also where 2/3 of the job
description asks one to focus on integrating into a different culture? In my
opinion, as a Peace Corps Volunteer all social normalcies should be
disregarded. It is our job to make friends, and thus this requires me at times to
make awkward gestures.
On these evening rides I usually end up at the medical house and spend
some time chatting with the doctors in the process of completing their
obligatory two year social service. At times I’ll have my guitar strapped on my
back and we will practice strumming the few cords we know, but usually the
conversation morphs into an ad hoc English lesson. Our exchanges usually
consist of content one can easily encounter in ¨Spanish For Dummies¨, yet there
are moments where a witty joke may slip from my tongue or a satisfying laughter
will balloon inside my stomach before it spreads through the ears of my
companions. These are instances, although brief, that act as strong indicators that
I am moving along the rough path of integration and understanding. I forget I am working and realize I am having
a wonderful conversation with new friends.
What about the other 1/3? Well that’s the work I can put on my resume. I
question this part every day, as I could literally spend the next two years
doing absolutely nothing. Yes, it´s true. No one is guiding me by handing out daily ¨to do¨ lists (gracias a Dios!). I
invent my work every step of the way. Not all sites are like
this. One challenge is that I am the first health volunteer my community has
ever received and thus they do not have the experience to give me direction.
However, in general most Peace Corps volunteers in the health sector do not
have much supervision with regards to their work, and thus must be extremely
proactive and creative. This will inevitably lead to feelings of frustration,
anxiety, extreme insecurity, and further existential questioning. Or, perhaps I’m
just describing my daily dose of emotions.
Finding work is stressful, but in the end can perhaps bring greater
rewards than being handed all the answers.
