Thursday, March 21, 2013

Embracing the Uncertainty in Choice




As North Americans, most of us grow up with the mentality that we can pursue anything. From a very early age, whether it’s through the encouragement of our parents, teachers, or mentors the idea that the “sky is the limit” with regards to our future is ingrained into our psyche. This type of support is what pushes many of us to work hard and eventually excel at what we deem is our life’s ambition. Ironically, the idea of endless possibility can often lead to crippling indecision, as we are often faced with the question: “If I can do anything I want, how do I choose?” Unfortunately, there is simply not enough time to sift through the eternal options in a single lifetime.
         The majority of Peace Corps volunteers are recent college graduates. Many have chosen this two-year plus journey because it is an ideal limbo to spend endless hours obsessing over whether to further pursue the focus of their undergraduate studies at a professional level or to take a different path. More importantly, it is an excellent opportunity to explore passions and develop skills upon the blank canvas that constitutes our work plan. There are even some volunteers who have higher and more specialized degrees, but are still not completely sure what they want in terms of their next career step. This is not to say that some volunteers don’t have a vision with regards to their occupational future. However, I find it highly unlikely that anyone chooses to remove themselves from their current situation to enter a foreign environment for this length of time if they are completely confident in their next career move.  Our willingness to part with comfort and career predictability is what drives us to plunge into the vortex of uncertainty that is Peace Corps.
       Nicaraguans in my site will often question me about my “carrera” (similar to an undergraduate major). When I tell them I studied Biology, many are confused as to why I have taken a job as a health educator.  “Why am I not working in a lab somewhere?” Furthermore, when asked regarding my plans are following Peace Corps Nicaraguans are perplexed by my answers ranging from a desire to return to a starving artist life in New York City to the pursuit of a Masters in a field different from my undergraduate career.  In Nicaragua, as in many other countries, the idea of a liberal arts education is non-existent. As early as the age of 16, Nicaraguans who decide to pursue higher education must choose their future career, as the majority of University education is focused towards technical training in one’s desired field.  As having been an unsure and immature teenager I find it quite difficult to imagine having had to settle on a professional path at that point in my life. Although my inability to make a definitive decision at this time with regards to my future often causes unwanted stress and anxiety, I realize that the alternative of having been locked into a career choice (most likely medicine) at a young age would have left me feeling trapped and unhappy.
        I have observed that if Nicaraguans are disappointed with regards to their studies it is not because they were bound to follow one specific course of learning, but rather that they were limited in this choice due to financial reasons.  For instance, I have met a number of people who have expressed an interest in becoming a doctor, however they have settled on becoming a nurse, as it requires the use of less economic resources. Still, the notion that one has an opportunity to continue their education, regardless of the field, is generally embraced. I used to waste countless hours expressing regret for my choice of an undergraduate major, yet my time here has made me realize that unlike many Nicaraguans, I have many options and the freedom to consistently change my mind and reconstruct my desired path.  Additionally, I connect this realization with regards to my service. Although at times I may be frustrated with the lack of structure, I know that I wouldn’t have it any other way. The idea that I can constantly reformulate the contents of my work gives me the inspiration to continue taking risks and exercising the creative process. The notion that no decisions are permanent gives me the confidence that no matter what I pursue with regards to my future I will be successful and satisfied, simply because of the fact that I had a choice.